No good deed goes

Unpunished. I am such a lousy person. I went over to my great-grandmother's house today. She did some crying, I did some crying. But for some reason, I still feel like a horrible person. I don't get over there enough and she only live 3 blocks from my house. Part of my problem is that when I go there I keep expecting to see my grandpa sitting in his chair reading a book about cats that are dectives. When I am there, I remember back to when I was a kid and my great grandma would chase my sister and me up the stairs to the attic and we would play house, or we would go into her art room and draw and paint. Then I have to remember to come back to reality and see my grandmother as a frail 94 year old woman, who can't chase my sister and me up the stairs anymore. She was telling me the stories about how my grandpa was a preemie when he was born. That his mother warned her to take care of him because he was such a small man. She told me that when they got together, he only weighed 112 pounds. There is just so much that Mike's passing has made me realize. Life is too short to not make that visit to the one's you love. I need to make a better attempt to get my kids to see my great grandmother. I know I don't have much longer to see her. I know that she will always be with me. But, I'm not ready to let go. I miss my grandpa. I miss my brother in law. It was always a treat for Mike to show up out of the blue. Why do these things have to happen? Why is there a such thing as murder. Death I can deal with. But untimely death? What the hell? This is so not fair. My husband is really not doing good at all with this. He is starting to not eat. He isn't sleeping well at all. Me on the other hand. I seem to crash. I feel that my body just shuts down. I don't even dream anymore. I am exhausted and stressed out. I can't stand all this sadness. I can't stand all this anger. I don't know what to do to make Bobby feel like he is important. I know that my family doesn't really care for Bobby, however, he didn't deserve to have his little brother taken from him. But I need to get. We have neglected the laundry and I need to get my work clothes in the dryer before I go to bed. I am going to deal with life as best I can. But for now, live life to the fullest and my favorite "prepare for the worst and hope for the best."
Mike, please take care of your family the best way you can. You are in a better place now and I know you are happy. We might be sad about losing you physically. We won't see your grin or the blue eyes that we love so much. But we will still have you through Megan, Hailey, and Slade. They miss you so much already as we all do. We never know what we have until it is gone. I am just so glad that Bobby got to talk to you before you had to leave. He loves you more than words can say. My girls love you and miss you too. But until we meet again, we love you.