Need to vent

I am so new to this blogging thing. I just need to vent for a minute. I have been married to this man who is 16 years my elder. We have been married for 4 and a half years and have 3 kids together. However, my reason to vent is I am finding out that my dear husband has supposedly attempted to cheat on me more than once. He can't keep a job for more than a week or a couple of months. I have been trying to support my family alone with no help from him. The only thing that he has really done to be of help is when he isn't working he has kept me from having to pay a daycare. Now he has a job working for the local jail. He is being friendly with the inmates and that is really frowned upon. He is going to end up losing his job because of that. If he does lose his job he will be arrested and spend 180 days in the county jail that he was employed to. He is a great father for our kids but he isn't exactly the best at being a husband or a provider. I am only a CNA and I don't make that much money. After paying the daycare, I don't have enough money to pay my bills. I know that I need to sit down and have a talk with my husband, however, I have tried that in the past to no avail. He totally ignores anything I say. It is to the point that I ask myself if I love him. I will have to be honest here and say yes. I do love him but I don't think I am IN love with him. All I feel like I am good for is a paycheck and I also feel that I am enabling him to be a looser. I think he would honestly prefer to be a stay at home dad. I just don't know what to do anymore. He is telling a friend of ours (who is incarcerated at this time) that he went and spent 2 days in OKC with his wife. Now, how could anyone with any qualms about them tell someone they refer to as their best friend that he spent some time at his apartment with his wife. Sorry but that is kind of shitty.

Now to the best part. My friend came in from OKC to see her husband and try to calm him down after what my husband has done. After visitation, we had plans to go to the bar and get out and do something that we wanted to do for a while and have a girls night out. All I do is work and come home. All she does is work and goes home. Well, after I told my husband that I was going out with my friend, he got upset with me. I couldn't help but ask him what is so different about me going to a dance club and him going to a casino and spending the last little bit of money we have, or going to a strip club and watching other women dance on poles. He told me there was a big difference. So basically what is good for the goose isn't good for the gander. I went ahead and went to the bar anyway. After arriving at the bar and sitting there for a couple of hours (if that long) I see my sister-in-law walk past. A few minutes later, I was making my way to the ladies room when I got a poke on my arm and it was my husbands brother. So now I know that hubby wasn't happy about me going, but could he have called to see if his brother would show up out there to check up on me, or could it be totally coincidental? I don't know. I think it may be luck of the draw. But I had nothing to worry about really. I wasn't out there to try to meet other men. I was out to have a good time with a friend. I just need get this out there and off my chest. I know what I need to do but I am finding it hard to find the words to tell him that he needs to go on and find someone else that can handle putting up with this crap of his. Well, I am going to leave it here for now. I will update as soon as I can.