Why?

Why is it that people seem to get sick when you can't afford to pay the bills. I don't know how to make ends meet. I am afraid that if my husband has to be admitted or take any time from work he will lose his job. If he loses his job, he will have to spend 180 days in jail because the District Judge knows how he is about keeping jobs. He will keep a job for a short amount of time before he quits or gets fired. That is why he will have to serve an automatic 180 days. The judge is tired of having to deal with him not paying his child support. I am tired of him not paying his child support. Now granted I don't wish anything bad to happen to him. I don't wish for him to be sick. I don't wish for him to lose his job. I just wish that he would really man up and do what he has to do as a husband and a father. I mean the man does have 7 kids total. 6 girls and 1 boy. Ages range from 21 to 2. He has 2 grandsons and a granddaughter on the way. I am thrilled about that. I'm just not thrilled about haveing grandkids at 26 years old. My oldest step-daughter and I are 5 years apart. That is a little weird for me. But here it is right in the middle of pay periods and I don't have the funds to pay another medical bill. I am supposed to be paying one that is over 3000 bucks. I just don't have that kind of money. Not when I am paying for daycare out of pocket and the total cost for the daycare is $980.00 a month. I mean I don't make that much money. I am hoping that DHS will help me pay for this. I am sure there will be a copay but it shouldn't be that costly. I am figuring a couple hundred dollars. I can almost afford that. But because of the out of pocket expense, I have had to neglet a couple of utility bills. I am just hoping that I can get my taxes filed before too much longer and get the expenses paid up as best as I can.

I can only do so much as one person. My paycheck will only go so far. I am sick of being married to a stranger. Husband told me the other night that he felt like we are more roommates than a married couple. I understand how he feels. I feel the same way. I was more honest with him while he was in OKC than I have ever been talking to him face to face. Maybe it was because I didn't have to see the expression on his face. I mean I do feel guilty because of the feelings I do have about him. I went to the club last night and I felt guilty for being there without him. However, it is against the rules of his job to be at the bar. The jailers for MCDC are not allowed to be at any of the clubs in the county. They can go to the casino but if they get caught drinking while gambling, they will be terminated on the spot.

I just found out that he won't be terminated for missing a day. That is a plus. I am so glad that his son had my husbands supervisors number and called to tell the supervisor what is going on. That is it for now. I am going to get ready to go to the ER to find out what is going.